The Perfect Alt-Art X-wing Miniatures Card

A good friend of mine gifted me the perfect “alternative artwork” card for an X-wing miniature I painted up last year. The ship I painted is a Kihraxz Fighter, and I painted it up with the old crimson and navy blue color scheme used by the terrorist organization from the old G.I. Joe toys and comics, Cobra.

In the X-wing Miniatures game there is a pilot for that particular ship who goes by the name Talonbane Cobra. I don’t recall whether or not this fact inspired me to paint that particular ship in “Cobra colors” (I don’t recall it doing so, but it probably did — at least on a subconscious level).

Anyway, some other X-wing Miniatures aficionado must have also been a Cobra fan, because someone made up an alt-art game card for that particular pilot and then had a bunch of them printed up professionally on actual card stock. A friend of mine snagged a copy at the X-wing Regional Championship earlier this month as a gift for me.

The artwork appears to have been done by Paul La Rue. I don’t know if he was commissioned to create the card or if he is a fan of the game himself (I suspect the latter, judging by the rest of his artwork on his site). Check out his site if you want to see more great alt-art card for the X-wing Miniatures game.

Shame On You, Stephen Sommers

Stephen, take a good look at the shitty mask you made for the Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra:

What the hell were you thinking?  This looks like someone melted a plastic tray on Cobra Commander’s face!  There’s no clear style; It’s just an amorphous blob.  And to make matters worse, the whole thing is reflective, making it impossible to distinguish what little visual coherence the mask had any way.  Well, if you wanted to show the world what the love child of Darth Vader and the T-1000 would look like, then mission accomplished.

Yes, I know that movie came out in 2009, but it still bugs me that you made such a stupid mistake.  All you had to do was throw a bag over Cobra Commander’s head and it would have been perfect:

See?  But nooooo, you had to get some art school flunky to come up with a mask that a) bore no resemblance to anything the Cobra Commander ever wore in any cartoon, comic, or toy, and b) looked like a lacquered elephant turd.  But, I suppose a decent costume would have been too much to ask from the man who gave the world all those mind numbing Mummy/Scorpion King movies and the abominable Van Helsing film (I still liked Deep Rising, though).

Now look at what Jon Chu — whose entire filmography is made up of stupid dance movies, for goodness’ sake — managed to give us in the upcoming sequel, G.I. Joe: Retaliation (background added by yours truly):

Now that’s Cobra Commander!

See?  That wasn’t so hard now was it, Stephen?