Looks like the War on Christmas is finally over thanks to the tireless efforts of conservatives over the years. The election of Donald Trump appears to have the “atomic bomb” that finally ended the “war”.
With the war on Christmas over, I wonder what the next made-up thing will be that the elite will use to trick members of the lower and middle classes into fighting amongst themselves and, ultimately, voting against their own best interests? Perhaps a War on Easter?
We were warned back in 1952…
Nothing beats a solid lampooning of a ridiculous product that purports to essentially work by magic (e.g. healing you with magnets, extracting toxins through your skin with body wraps, etc). That’s where the sorely underrated Auralnauts come in:
The joints in your hands are achy and useless.
Using your legs produces an unreasonable amount of heat.
Your spine has been targeted for destruction by an unknown assailant.
There is only one solution to all of your problems.
And, we cannot forget these other great products: Zoomies (“Welcome to the future, Mr. Cool Dude.”) and BEAMZ by FLO (“BEAMZ is an instrument so advanced, it’s made out of lasers.”).
The Auralnauts just don’t put out enough content. Maybe if more people bought some of their music?…
If you’re curious, here are the original commercials for the aforementioned ridiculous products for comparison:
This video sums up nicely what it’s like to do my job sometimes:
What if the Star Wars movies took place in a universe without a mystical energy field known as The Force? Here are some possibilities:
Fans of “prank call” humor, rejoice! I have gone through the first three seasons of the TV show Crank Yankers and made mp3s out of every prank call featuring the Niles Standish character (voiced by Tony Barbieri). There’s something about the voice of a British Earl making prank calls that is just hilarious.
Some calls are better than others, but they’re pretty much all worth listening to. The ones I’d recommend the most are Niles hires a receptionist, Niles calls a diaper service, and Niles calls a hardware store for advice.
Here’s a transcript of a bit of the Niles calls a hardware store for advice call:
Niles: “Hello. I was calling because I had some questions about caulk. For my bathroom.”
Hardware Store Employee: “Okay, so you’re gonna want mildew resistant?”
Niles: “Yes, sounds all right, okay. I’m sure you know more about caulk than I do.”
Hardware Store Employee: “Okay.”
Niles: “All right. Now, how big is this caulk?”
I know the fourth and final season has at least one more Niles Standish call, but I was not able to get a copy of the fourth season. :-(
Be forewarned: most of the calls are pretty dirty.