Shame On You, Stephen Sommers

Stephen, take a good look at the shitty mask you made for the Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra:

What the hell were you thinking?  This looks like someone melted a plastic tray on Cobra Commander’s face!  There’s no clear style; It’s just an amorphous blob.  And to make matters worse, the whole thing is reflective, making it impossible to distinguish what little visual coherence the mask had any way.  Well, if you wanted to show the world what the love child of Darth Vader and the T-1000 would look like, then mission accomplished.

Yes, I know that movie came out in 2009, but it still bugs me that you made such a stupid mistake.  All you had to do was throw a bag over Cobra Commander’s head and it would have been perfect:

See?  But nooooo, you had to get some art school flunky to come up with a mask that a) bore no resemblance to anything the Cobra Commander ever wore in any cartoon, comic, or toy, and b) looked like a lacquered elephant turd.  But, I suppose a decent costume would have been too much to ask from the man who gave the world all those mind numbing Mummy/Scorpion King movies and the abominable Van Helsing film (I still liked Deep Rising, though).

Now look at what Jon Chu — whose entire filmography is made up of stupid dance movies, for goodness’ sake — managed to give us in the upcoming sequel, G.I. Joe: Retaliation (background added by yours truly):

Now that’s Cobra Commander!

See?  That wasn’t so hard now was it, Stephen?

2 thoughts on “Shame On You, Stephen Sommers

  1. I completely agree. Chuck a hood over his head, draw a red snake on it. How hard is that?

    The new version looks mint though. Hope they make a better job out of this movie than the appalling mess of the last one.

  2. That mask for cobra commander, rise of cobra looked like an big jelly fish took a dump on his face.true cobra commander fans all said the same thing , what tha f@#$ k

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