Marty was his usual cheerful self this morning, running around my bedroom, making contented little grunts. After cleaning his cage and replenishing his food and water, I played with him a little, petting his head and whatnot. This morning, however, he was unusually interested in my hand, sniffing it as he sometimes does when I have something that smells nice on it, like cologne or soap.  To reward his curiosity I decided to grab a little dried yogurt drop treat for him and let him eat it out of my hand.

At one point I put my hand on the ground, forming a vertical pillar with my arm and Marty starting to climb up onto it. I thought he maybe wanted to be picked up, so I grabbed him and cradled him. This wasn’t what he wante, however, as he quickly jumped out of my arms (he doesn’t really like being held). I put my arm down again to see what he would do and he starts climbing it again. This time I just left him alone to see what he would do. Lo and behold this little baby bunny started humping my arm!  He started biting it, too, for some reason.

Thankfully I grew up in a rural environment and also majored on Zoology as otherwise what happened next would have disgusted me more. Suffice it to say, rabbits don’t take very long to “finish their business”.

Yes, I was raped by a five-month-old bunny.

What convinces animals to try and mount humans is a little beyond my comprehension. I mean, other animals are not so stupid as to think we are the same species, are they? Perhaps its just hormones overriding the animal’s critical thinking skills.

In any case, afterwards, Marty did his customary “I’m happy to see you” dance around me, as he usually does, only this time he accentuated it with stamps of his foot and louder grunting sounds. Rabbits don’t often vocalize, and very few people know this, but the sounds a rabbit makes are pretty much indistinguishable from that of a human baby.

Anyway, I guess it’s a good thing I had planned to get Marty neutered this week.

My not-so-baby lop-eared rabbit, Marty, had some good bonding time today. I had gone to work very early and came home around seven in the morning. I let Marty out of his cage and went to bed, having placed several layers of blankets atop the area which I was not occupying.

The blankets were for a nasty habit Marty has: peeing on my bed whenever I let him jump up there. It’s his way of claiming new territory for himself. Thankfully Marty believes he owns the entire floorspace of my bedroom as he has never once peed on the carpet (though he does leave his droppings all over the place).

Anyway, Marty had a lot of fun jumping up on my bed and crawling all over me as I was trying to sleep. He didn’t waste much time peeing on one of the blankets I had laid down, either. I let him do his thing and went to sleep anyway, the sounds of a little rabbit running around like a maniac on my bedroom floor acting as some sort of cacophonic lullaby.

He woke me up [several times] a few hours later, occasionally jumping on the bed and scampering about. The first thing he’d do after getting on the bed was crawl up to my face and make those little grunting sounds rabbits make when they’re happy. He had also peed in about three or four places on my bed. Thankfully all the blankets — which are in the washing machine at the moment — prevented my mattress from getting wet.

After getting up to clean his cage and replenish his food and water, Marty hardly left my side. Yes, after six weeks of living in my bedroom, Marty is doing A-OK. Somewhat surprisingly, I’m already starting to miss him when I’m at work.